Currently

A snapshot of what my life is like at this moment in time.

Loving: being outside. We don't get a lot of vitamin D here in the Pacific NW, so when the sun is out, we try to soak up every minute of it. I especially love eating meals outside together.

Reading: Ten Big Ones, the 10th book in Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum Series. The whole series is absolutely hilarious and I'm totally obsessed.

Waiting for: my third child to be fully potty trained. I've got two of them fully trained, but I'm beginning to wonder if #3 will ever get there.

Excited about: a two night getaway to Whistler, BC with the hubby and no kids in August. I can not wait!

Missing: Being here...

at Lake Wenatchee.

Trying to: lose 10 lbs. Why is it so easy to gain weight, yet so hard to lose it!?

Working on: blogging more frequently.

Enjoying: the luscious new green grass that we worked so hard to grow in our backyard.

We still have a ton of landscape work to do, but already it's a million times better than when we moved in!

Using: Photoshop Elements. I love this program and use it to edit all of my pictures and create design plans.

Wearing: summer gear. Shorts, tank top, and flip flops.

Planning: on making broccoli beef for dinner, using THIS recipe. Yum.

Singing: anything playing on the country music station. I'm especially loving anything by The Band Perry right now.

Needing: an iPhone with this cute case...

(Source)

Okay, maybe I don't need it, but I sure want it! I currently use an old-school pre-paid phone. It doesn't text. There is no Instagram. And it's definitely not 'smart'. Since we are living on one income while I stay home with the kids, this is one way we cut costs. It's only $100 for 1000 minutes and I only use it when I'm out and about to make quick calls. It'd be really nice to join the 21st century though.

Learning: to slow down and enjoy every minute that I get to spend with my kids. The time I get to spend at home with my kids before they go to school is quickly dwindling down. I need to learn to cherish this time because it will be gone before I know it.

Listening: to silence, sweet silence. The kids are napping and I'm cherishing every sweet second of silence that I get.

Wishing: I had lots of money so we could just hire a professional to finish landscaping our backyard.

Doing: cleaning up after the kids. I spend all day, every day doing this.

Praying for: patience. Lots of Patience. Age 3 is my favorite age of my kids so far, but with that being said, it is also an age that is riddled with whining, crying, and temper tantrums. Having THREE 3-year-olds going through this phase is enough to make a mama lose her mind. I keep repeating this phrase that my dear Grandma had hanging in a frame in her home...

Dreaming of: owning a waterfront vacation house on Lake Chelan.

 (Source)

One can dream, right?

This post idea was inspired by Emily at Jones Design Company.

FEAR

I am a perfectionist. I'll admit it.
But if you know me or follow my blog, you probably already gathered this.

I don't know if it's a innate trait or something that is a product of life experiences. But I do know that being perfect is something that I've struggled with for many, many years. I say struggled with because it's a battle that can never be won. There is no such thing as perfect.

What I just recently realized, however, is that I have a crippling fear of failure. 

I was listening to a talk on "Anxiety and Fear" at a recent M.O.P.S. (Mother's of Preschoolers) meeting and the speaker challenged us to think about what we are really afraid of. Immediately I thought of snakes, which is my number one fear, but I quickly realized that she wanted us to look deeper within ourselves.

I reflected back on my 32 years of life and then it hit me like a ton of bricks.

There were several life experiences that stuck out...

As a high school freshman I tried out and made the school basketball team. I was a pretty decent player with some good potential, but when it came to game time I didn't score one single point all season long. Whenever anyone passed me the ball, I froze. I couldn't shoot it. I was terrified of missing. So the coach gave me less and less playing time and I convinced myself that I was no good. I gave up after that season and never tried out again. 
Fear of Failure.

After completing my Associate's degree, I transferred to a 4-year university to earn my Bachelor's degree. My decision to go to Washington State University was based on their amazing Interior Design Program. I knew it was the perfect choice for me. But after one semester in the program, I quit and changed my major. I told everyone that it just wasn't for me, but really I had convinced myself that I wasn't as talented as the other girls in my class and that I'd never make it in such a competitive field. 
Fear of Failure.

I ended up getting my degree in Advertising and after completing my final internship at an Advertising/PR firm and a month of job hunting, I gave up. I just didn't have what it took to be a Creative Director and I'd never make it in that competitive field, or so that's what I told myself. Again, Fear of Failure.

Even when it comes to decorating my own house, I have rooms left undecorated and barren. Can you guess why? Yep that right. If it can't be perfect, why do it at all?

I KNOW. That's crazy thinking.

I don't know why it has taken me so long to realize that I have this fear of failure. Looking back at the choices I've made in life, it is so painfully obvious. There are so many things I've missed out on because of this fear. I now realize that in trying to avoid failure, I was actually failing by quitting. Don't get me wrong, I am very happy with how things have turned out and I love my life, but who knows what amazing things I could have done if I hadn't been so afraid...

I guess the first step towards change is admitting that you have a problem.

So here I am, saying, 

"I AM AFRAID OF FAILURE."

I started this here blog about a year ago because I love writing and I still have a deep passion for interior design. I had high hopes of turning my love of these two things into my career.  

But can you guess what? 

Once again I've gotten sucked into that vortex of fear. 

I don't have what it takes.

There are SO many amazing bloggers out there and I'll never be able to measure up.

It's a crazy idea that will never pan out. 

And so I've been putting off following my dream 

because I don't want to fail.

Last week I was visiting my Grandpa and I glanced at my dearly departed Grandma's perpetual calendar that hadn't been changed in months.

The quote on the page really struck me...

And it was then that I realized...

What have I got to lose?

So what if I fail?

How great would it feel if I succeeded?

So enough with the self-deprecating talk. 

Enough with the comparing myself to others.

Enough is enough.

I'm stamping out my fear.

IT'S GO TIME.

What are YOU afraid of???

Confessions of a Black Thumb

I like to pretend I'm perfect.

My house is always tidy and organized.

I make delicious, healthy meals every day.

My kids are well-behaved and know how to clean up after themselves.

My yard is weed-free and perfectly manicured.

My hair is always neatly done and my make-up applied perfectly.

Every plant I own is healthy and grows green.

Sadly though, these statements are so far from the truth.

The real me has a messy house with piles of clutter in every room.

I try to make healthy, delicious meals, but most days I'm lucky if I can just cut up some fruit and throw some chicken nuggets into the oven.

My kids leave a constant trail of mess behind them as they tear through the house.

My yard is probably one of the weediest on the street (seriously, I can only pull about 3 weeds before the kids start rolling in the dirt and fighting with one another!).

My hair hasn't been cut or colored in a whole year and it's usually wadded up in a mess on top of my head.

And I can't seem to keep a plant alive to save my life. I'm responsible for three toddlers, two dogs, and a husband. One more thing to keep alive and healthy is just too much for me :)

So that brings me to the topic of this post...

my black thumb.

I definitely do not have a green thumb when it comes to plant life.

I am so horrible at maintaining plants, that I would say that my thumb is the opposite of green. 

It's black.

Is that the opposite of green??

I bought a huge palm tree on clearance at Lowe's for $5 a few months ago. 

I was so pumped at the deal I got.

Turns out $5 isn't such a good deal if you can't keep the plant alive.

I can't figure out what happened.
I mean, I watered it once a week.
Okay, maybe it was only once every couple of weeks.
I guess that could have been the reason.

Even my outside plants look pretty sad.
Here is a pot that sits on my front porch.
It used to have beautiful white, purple, and yellow flowers (Don't ask me what kind they were. I know nothing about plant names).

After I cleaned out all of the dead stuff, I was left with a pretty sad looking green mess.

Hey, at least it's still green!

This one doesn't look that great either.

 

And I DO water it! It even gets rain water.

I have been able, however, to keep my spider plant alive inside the house.
I won it in a drawing at a M.O.P.S. meeting and I think it's kinda ugly.
So of course, it is the only one that actually looks healthy.
Go figure.

I've also had decent luck with this little fern.
I almost killed it once, but somehow managed to bring it back to life.
Therefore you can still see lingering brown parts...

I recently read this in a Cottages and Bungalows magazine:

One houseplant per 100 square feet.
Are you kidding me!?
I would need to own 35 houseplants.
And keep them clean and free of dust.
So NOT happening.

Clearly, aside from being decorative, houseplants provide great health benefits.

But how do you keep them alive???

What's the secret??